Saturday, April 2, 2011


I just got off of the phone with a friend. It was a life realizing phone call. Though it was a very short 9 minutes and 3 seconds, I made a lot of realizations. This person, has been through a lot of shit in their life. && it made me realize that my life could take an unexpected turn when I am not expecting it. Hence the fact of unexpected turn. 

It took me getting a pretty decent ass chewing to realize how little I know about life and the things that may be coming my way. I realized yesterday and today that I know little bout it and that learnng is something that doesn't happen overnight. You can't live your life for someone else, you can only do it for yourself. Though I have always said this, they say you should practice what you preach. That is one of my problems. I feel so very hypocritical when I say this. I call people out on it, but then I do the exact same thing ya know?? 
I can't live my life for my parents. I can't live my life for my roommates. Not my sister or three brothers. Not my best friends, not acquaintances. Not for anybody. It's time to live my life for me. Make decisions for myself and to not worry about what everyone's opinion is about the situation. If I keep doing this, I will conform to what everyone wants to see me as, and that is not something that is needed in this day and age. But apparently high school is drug out throughout your life.. Eff that!

It's time for me to stand up for myself. && let no one get in my way. And to put up my emotional wall and not let every single damn thing get to me. && if I have something on my mind then I should just say it and not let it bother me to the point where I ruin a friendship. && if people dn't like what I have to say then they can sit in a corner and not like someone elses opinion. 
It took me almost 21 years to realize this and i"m lucky to have a friend who tells me stuff like it needs to be said. Who doesn't do drama. Who won't put up with bullshit. && I did somethng stupid and now I'm praying to the higher ups that shit doesn't happen. I will be there for this friend no matter what. I will not juge I won't do it. 

Alright, so in ending, I am going to now live my life for me. And if people don't like my decisions, then don't. It's my life so let me live it. It'll take a while to get in that swing, but I'll do it. If I decide to party all the time and work then so be it. If i wanna sit at home and chill with my friends, then so be it. If I just want to say screw this and go somewhere and not care, then so be it.

Sunday, March 27, 2011


These past few years have been a roller coaster (metaphorically speaking). We've had some pretty decent fights... well one pretty decent one. But it made our friendship all that much stronger. I don't know if I could ever thank you for being my best friend, but in reality I'm so beyond thankful. You've been here when everybody else walked out on me. As the saying goes I think it's, "When everyone else walked out, you walked in." But in this case, you never left, you stood by me the whole entire time. 

I remember the first time we talked. It was on Facebook, when you asked me how I knew one of the professors. And then when I had to retake an exam was the first time I saw you in person. I had no clue you were who you were. I was sicker than a dog. And you said I still looked amazing. Apparently bronchitis did me a favor that day. LOL! But I remember you saying that if I ever needed help, to let you know. Little did I know how much help I would very much so need in the future. 
You've never turned your back on me, and I'm so happy that you haven't. I've given you plenty of opportunities. But... once again thank you for not doing so. It just goes to prove that you are an amazing person inside and out. I don't know what I'd do without you. Life would be so incredibly different. 

There have been times (no lie) where I have wanted to smack you upside the head and ask you what you were thinking. Those are the only times... with the exception of once, where I have been slightly irritated with you. 
Other times, I can't help but fall over laughing, because you are just the person to make me to do so. Whether it was on my birthday, where you were doing some part of a Ke$ha song and I was dying, or where you were chewin' me out because I wasn't taking the shot correctly, I always laugh. Or how about the time where someone didn't realize how loud the surround sound was and got a phone call?? Oh my gosh that was by far one of the funniest moments I've ever had. 

I'm so happy that you are my best friend. I'm praying and hoping that it will always stay that way. No matter what. 
Now, on to a more serious matter. When you told me that there was a youngin' on the way, I didn't know what to think. I wanted to not accept it and just become a hermit. But I cared for you too much to desert you. I can't do it. I was upset, but you know that. I remember that phone call very vividly. Still feels like it was yesterday, even though she's here now. I don't know why, but when you told me I felt the way I did. Infuriated?? No. Angry?? Nope try again. Upset.. still not the word I was looking for but it'll have to do. I didn't know what to think. As it is right now, I'm tearing up, both because of happiness and because I'm still lost! You've had my back in any situation, and now it's my turn to have yours, when you are sad, call me. When you are happy call me! Angry?? Yep call me then too. 

Things are very different now. But you are just the person who no matter what hasn't changed one bit. I know I have, but I don't know if it's for better or for worse. Sometimes, I'm not even going to lie to you, I don't know what to say when we hang out. I don't know what to think either. Other than when you try to shoot me on Black Ops... that's only because I tried to shoot you in the first place. But that's besides the point. You are just the only person that understands my mind set.. despite what I said in my last blog. 

You are going to be the best dad ever. You already are from what I have seen. Once again, repeating myself, you have the luckiest daughter. She has a father who will care for her no matter what. Someone who will always be there for her if her heart gets broken by a dumbass. Someone who will pick her up and dust her off when she needs it. Who will go to every possible thing he can. I'm bawling my eyes out, because I, sir, am very proud of you. I never saw myself saying that. Excuse me, I didn't believe I'd ever say it. Never is a bad word. 

All in all, I hope things never change. They better not. (DAMN IT I SAID NEVER AGAIN). I will be beyond upset if they do.