I just got off of the phone with a friend. It was a life realizing phone call. Though it was a very short 9 minutes and 3 seconds, I made a lot of realizations. This person, has been through a lot of shit in their life. && it made me realize that my life could take an unexpected turn when I am not expecting it. Hence the fact of unexpected turn.
It took me getting a pretty decent ass chewing to realize how little I know about life and the things that may be coming my way. I realized yesterday and today that I know little bout it and that learnng is something that doesn't happen overnight. You can't live your life for someone else, you can only do it for yourself. Though I have always said this, they say you should practice what you preach. That is one of my problems. I feel so very hypocritical when I say this. I call people out on it, but then I do the exact same thing ya know??
I can't live my life for my parents. I can't live my life for my roommates. Not my sister or three brothers. Not my best friends, not acquaintances. Not for anybody. It's time to live my life for me. Make decisions for myself and to not worry about what everyone's opinion is about the situation. If I keep doing this, I will conform to what everyone wants to see me as, and that is not something that is needed in this day and age. But apparently high school is drug out throughout your life.. Eff that!
It's time for me to stand up for myself. && let no one get in my way. And to put up my emotional wall and not let every single damn thing get to me. && if I have something on my mind then I should just say it and not let it bother me to the point where I ruin a friendship. && if people dn't like what I have to say then they can sit in a corner and not like someone elses opinion.
It took me almost 21 years to realize this and i"m lucky to have a friend who tells me stuff like it needs to be said. Who doesn't do drama. Who won't put up with bullshit. && I did somethng stupid and now I'm praying to the higher ups that shit doesn't happen. I will be there for this friend no matter what. I will not juge I won't do it.
Alright, so in ending, I am going to now live my life for me. And if people don't like my decisions, then don't. It's my life so let me live it. It'll take a while to get in that swing, but I'll do it. If I decide to party all the time and work then so be it. If i wanna sit at home and chill with my friends, then so be it. If I just want to say screw this and go somewhere and not care, then so be it.